squirrel

Michelle is visiting her mom in Florida. Apparently her mom has a bit of a squirrel problem in the backyard. So she got some plastic snakes and spread them around to scare the squirrels.

Here is Michelle's email verbatim:

No ones afraid of the plastic snakes any more... Mom saw a lizard sitting on the back of one sunning himself!

Oh and get this! They bought one that expanded when you add water... Well it rained... But he just grew into a big mushy log... So they brought him in... He shrunk back to size and now scares any critters that come into the garage.

There are real snakes here too... Thankfully i haven't seen any yet.

H1N1...to mask or not to mask...

This mask thing is getting a little out of hand...

activia

After all these years, Jamie Lee Curtis can finally stop running. Turns out Michael Myers was just irregular.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

skinny people...

Halloween isnt quite as fun when you live with a skinny person. I came home last night and saw a small plate with about 5 expensive looking dark chocolate squares on it. "Yumm, chocolates!" i said as i reached for a square. Michelle slapped my hand away. "Those are for Halloween!" I looked at her for a second. Then looked at the 5 small pieces. "For the kids?" I asked? "Kids don't want dark chocolate squares. They want Nerds and Milkyways and yummy fattening things!" She walked away shaking her head. "Too bad," she said, "Dark chocolate is better for them."

Sigh, i'll just have to hit the stash at work for my Halloween fix.

snuggy

I was in line the other day at the local Walgreens pharmacy to get a soda and some gum. The line was super long. So long that it kinda wrapped around the store. Down the candy isle, into the razor section and back up near the counter again. What could possibly be the hold up? Should i just leave my gum and soda on the counter and walk out? I really wanted that damn soda. I nudged the guy in front of me and asked, "hey, whats the hold up?" He turned around and rolled his eyes as he explained, "See that lady? she wants to return her SNUGGY. She wants a different color."

The moral of this story is...In the land of Snuggies, all colors are created equal. They are all equally hideous.

the lift

Michelle brought her little blue VW bug to the shop yesterday. She left Banjo in the backseat while she talked to the mechanic. She described the rattling and the bumping, the grinding and the jiggling, the hickup-ing and and the neck snapping jerks. The old German mechanic nodded as he listened to the symptoms and then grinned and grimaced and calculated and planned. Michelle felt satisfied that the man understood her dilemma and that her baby blue bug was in good hands. She paced for a few minutes and then wandered off to the find the ladies room. Upon her return she realized she didn't have Banjo at her side. Where'd the dog go? The car was high above her on the lift and worker bees were rushing around underneath it unscrewing and re-screwing and unbolting and re-bolting. And there was little Banjo. High up in the sky. Staring down at her with panic filled eyes! I guess the guys in the shop didn't realize there was a doggy in the car. Up she went! Spun around! And down she came! What an exciting adventure! All is well, the bug is fixed, the doggy survived, and Brett Farve is a rock star. Nice way to start the week.

It's the bunny!

Michelle and Banjo and I, yet again, loaded up our little blue VW bug with sleeping bags and a tent and headed off to the "wilderness" for a camping adventure. As it neared sunset on Saturday we decided to go for a little hike. Michelle was peppering me with tidbits about how animals like to hunt at dusk and how Puma's might spring out from behind a tree looking for a tasty meal! I was watching the path closely as we climbed a hill. Just then! I saw it! A HUGE hungry animal! Probably the size of an SUV! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!! I pointed and yelled! It was a MONSTER! And it wanted to eat us!!!!!

...and then the little fella with his tiny cottontail hopped off the path back into the woods.

Eyebrow

If i could go back in time and visit my younger self...the one thing I'd tell me is not to over pluck! I'd say, "STOP! Those little hairs over your eyes wont grow back! When you're old you'll have to use an eyebrow pencil and draw on your own expressions!"

Champs!

Lets all sing it together! "We are the champions, my friiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeend...dah, dah, dah, and we'll keep on fiiiiiightin' til the end"....dah, dah, dah..."We are the champions, WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS...of the wooooooorrrrld...er...Berkeley Rec C League..."

big

The Mighty, Mighty Woodcocks are playing for the championship tonight. Go Woodcocks!! We're supposed to wear our Berkeley Rec softball league t-shirts that we got at the end of last season. But our fearless leader Ben only got them in extra large and XXL. I ended up with an XXL because i got to the pile late. I figured i could just use it as a night gown. I hadn't planned on actually doing any physical activities in it. But what the heck. I'll wear it. Maybe i'll throw on some earrings, a belt and some stockings and look stylish on first base.

If the tent is a rockin'

We went camping this weekend. The campers across the way were...shall we say...a bit amorous toward one another. We know this because Banjo kept sneaking over to watch the tent bounce. Them folks were some happy campers!

the state of the economy

Due to current economic factors the dogs in the neighborhood have had to postpone grooming appointments. Makes for some killer Afros!

Me and the French lady

This morning i took Banjo out for her morning walk and ran into our French neighbor with her little dog Peugeot. Here is our conversation:

Me: "Good morning! Good morning, Peugeot!"
French lady: "Good morning! Good morning, Banjo!
Me: "How is her leg?" (Peugeot has been limping for few weeks.)
French lady: "I don't like to comment."
Me: (blank stare)
French lady: (smiling at me with matching blank stare.)
Me: "Well, her leg seems better."
French lady: "I don't like the commute."
Me: (blank stare)
Me: (completely confused) Ok, bye bye!
French lady: "Bye bye!"

All laced up and no where to go.

Michelle got a couple new pairs of sneakers for us. We're the same shoe size so that's pretty handy! When i opened the box there were two sets of laces. Each a different color. Two sets? Humm...I thought maybe it was a new style. All the kids are doing it? So i wore my new shoes with two sets of laces...at the same time. Tuff to lace them. Kinda floppy and hard to walk. But, hey, i want to be cool man. Don't want to stand out and seem like i don't know whats cool anymore.

Later, Michelle alerted me to the fact that the laces were to choose from. Not to wear at the same time. Bummer man, I'm not fashionable. I'm just a big dork.